We all grew up listening to akbar birbal's funny stories & still ... here are their non veg jokes,stories,funny shayari...So here I'm sharing top funny non veg jokes of akbar birbal.
EK BAAR AKBAR , BIRBAL AUR AKBAR KI BEGUM BAGICHE MEIN GHOOMNE JAATE HAI.GHOOMTE GHOOMTE WOH EK PED KE NICHE AATE HAI .
AKBAR : " BIRBAL , HUMKO BEGUM KE SAATH KUCH WAQT BITANA HAI TO TUM PED KE UPAR JAAKAR BAIT JAO"
TOH BIRBAL JAAKAR PED KE UPAR BAIT JAATA HAI. THODE SAMAY KE BAAT.
BIRBAL : " JAHAPANA MAIN UPAR SE SAB DEKH RAHA HOON AAP MERE SAMANE RANI KO CHOD NAHI SAKTE"
AKBAR : "YEAH TUM KYA KEH RAHE HO MAIN KAHA RANI KO CHOD RAHA HOON"
BIRBAL : "NAHI JHOOT MAT BOLIYE AAP KHUD YAHA AAKAR DEKHIYE SHAAYAD YEH JAADUYI PED HAI "
ASLIYAT MAIN AKBAR NICHE KUCH BHI NAHI KARTA RAHTA HAI PHIR BHI WOH PED KE UPAR JAATA HAI . DOOSRE TARAF SE BIRBAL NICHE AAKAR BEGUM KA G@ND MARTA HAI .
AKBAR : "AREY! BIRBAL TUM SAHI KEHTE HO YEAH JADUYI PED HAI YAHA SE AISA LAGTA HAI KI KOI RANI KA CHOD RAHA HAI "
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"Jamnabai, bol tujhe kya inaam chahiye meri Jaan?
Sona-Chandi,
Heere-Moti,
Jaagir?
Agar teri kisise dushmani ho to bhi bataa de, uski behen choddi jayegi."
Randi bahut khush hui muh maange inaam ki baat sunke.
Par woh bahut hi bhenchod kism ki chinaal thi. Uske g@ndu dimaag mein to kuch aur hi tha.
RANDI:
"Jahanpanah, jaan ki salaamati mile to kuch arzkaroon"
(Akbar waise hi uske naach pe bahut senti tha)
AKBAR:
"Jo marzimaang, Jamna darling"
RANDI:
"JAHAPANNA, MUJHE AAPKI RAAJGADI PAR TATTI KARNI HAI"
Akbar Socha ki kya yeh randi BAWLI G@ND to nahin ho gayi?
(Lekin woh manaa bhi nahin kar sakta tha, promise jo kar diya tha l@udu ne)
Usne randi ko kuch aur maangne ke liye kaha, par randi bhi bahut seasoned campaigner thi!
Woh nahin maani
Akbar bhi bechara kya karta, usne 15 din baad ki date di.
Usne socha ki baad mein randi pe pressure dalwa ke cancel karwa dega, par bhen ki l@udi.
Jab Tatti-day nazdeek aa gaya, Akbar ki gaand bahut zyaada phat gayi, usne us waqt Birbal ko yaad kiya.Usne Birbal se kaha ki ab mughal sultanat ki izzat usi ke haath mein hai.
Birbal ne bhi Akbar ko promise kar diya ki chaahe use apni maa chudwaani pade, woh mughal sultanat ki izzat pe aanch nahin aane dega. Akbar bhi nischint ho gaya.
Finally Tatti-day aa gaya. Akbar to raat bhar so bhi nahin saka.
Bhench0d ki khud ki tatti band ho gayi.
Sube-sube randi ne darbaar mein g@nd faad entrance maara. Kehne lagi,
"Jahanpanah, main teen din se nahin hagi hoon, jaldi se raajgaddi pe haggi maarne ki vyawastha kijiy."
Akbar ne phatti g@nd ke saath Birbal ki taraf dekha. Birbal bh0sdika hass raha tha
Apni seat pe vatt se khada hokar kaha,
"JAMNU, TUMNE TATTI KARNI KI DEMAND KI THI SO KARO!!.
LEKIN AGAR EK BHI BOOND MOOT KI TAPKI, YEH TALWAAR C+UT MAIN DAALKE G@ND SE NIKAL DUNGA"
Toh kyaaaa
FATTI G@ND,
BHAAGI R@ND..
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Ek Baar Akbar Ne Birbal Ko Aadesh Diya
Akbar: “Ek Aisa Aadmi Dhundh Ke Lao Jo Mere Saath Isharo Mein Baat Kar Sake, Main Us Se Kuch Sawaal Puchunga”
Birbal: “Ji, Maaharaj”
Akbar: “Agar Usne Galat Jawab Diya To Uski Gardan Kaat Di Jayegi, Sahi Jawab Diya To Ek Mahal, Aur Ek Laakh Rupaye Dunga, Aisa Aadmi Nai Dhund Sake To Tumhari Gardan Kaat Dunga.”
Ab Birbal Ki Fat Gayi, Kahan Se Laaye Aisa Aadmi Dhund Ke, 10 Din Baad Ek Bakri Charane Wala Mil Gaya Naam Tha Chanki.
Birbal Ne Use Lalach Dekar Kaha: “Vese Bhi Teri Zindagi Mein Aisa Kuch Nahi Hai, Parivar Paalna Bhi Mushkil Ho Raha Hai”
Chanki: “Bilkul Hajoor”
Birbal: “Main Tujhe 10,000 Rupaye Dunga, Tu Bas Raja Ke Samne Chal Pad Aur Isharo Mein Baat Kar”
Chanki: “Agar Main Jawab Na De Paaya To?”
Birbal: “Jo Hoga Dekha Jayega, Tu Mar Bhi Gaya To Kam Se Kam Tere Ghar Wale Mere Diye Rupayo Se Aram Se Zindagi To Kaat Lenge”
Chanki Ko Baat Samajh Mein Aa Gayi Aur Pahunch Gaya Darbar Mein
Akbar Ne Use 1 Ungali Dikhayi, Chanki Ne Usko 2 Dikha Di
Akbar Ne Isharo Se Pucha: “Kyu?”
Chanki Ne Ek Ungli Asmaan Ki Taraf Kari Aur Fir Badshaah Ki Taraf Kar Di
Akbar Muskuraya Aur Usne Apne Haath Ko Hawa Mein Hilaya Aur Pucha: “Kyu?”
Chanki Ne Apni Pant Niche Ki Aur L@nd Pakad Ke Raja Ke Samne Hila Diya,
Birbal Ki Ye Dekh Ke Gaand Fat Gayi Par Raja Bahut Khush Hua Aur Chanki Ko Inaam Deke Vida Kiya
Uske Jane Ke Baad Birbal Ne Hairan Hokar Akbar Se Puchha
Birbal: “Hajoor Ye Kya Chal Raha Tha”
Akbar Ne Muskurate Hue Kaha: “Maine Use 1 Ungli Dikha Ke Pucha, Kya Bhagwan Ek Hai? Wo Bola 2 Hain, Ek Upar Or Ek Niche Aap.”
Birbal: “Ohh, Fir Kya Pucha Tha Aapne?”
Akbar: “Maine Puchha Tha, Ye Population Kyo Badh Rahi Hai, Usne L@nd Dikha Ke Bola Ki Iski Wajah Se.”
Birbal Ke To Ye Sun Ke Hosh Ud Gaye Ki Us Se Bhi Akalmand Koi Hai Is Duniya Mein, Usne Socha Ki Milna Chahiye Chanki Se, To Ja Pahuncha Chanki Ke Ghar.
Birbal: “Tumhe Samajh Kaise Aaya Ke Raja Puchna Kya Chahta Hai?”
Chanki Muskurate Hue Bola: “Lo Ismein Kya Mushkil Hai, Raja Bola 1 Bakri Dega, Maine Bola 2 Lelo, Upar Wale Ne Bahut De Rakhi Hain.”
Birbal Hairan Hote Hue: “Aur Dusri Baar?”
Chanki: “Fir Akbar Ne Pucha Tha Sab Bakri Dega? Maine Bola L0da Lele Mera”
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Akabar Aur Birbal Ke Kisse Bahut Famous Hai
Hamesha Akbar Birbal Se Kuch Esa Puchta Thha Jo Hatt Ke Ho
Ek Din Akbar Ko Ek Shararat Sooji Aur Birbal Se Bola.
Akbar: “Wada Kar Birbal Teri Biwi Ki Pehli Bar Ch#t Tu Mujhe Lene Dega”
Birbal: “Wada Hujoor, Par Meri Bhi Ek Sharat Hai”
Akbar: “Bol?”
Birbal: “Shaadi Aapki Behan Se Karoonga“
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Jodha ke bade boobs dekh kar
tansen ne birbal se kaha : yar ek bar jodha ke boobs chuswa de , 1000 asharfia dunga.
Birbal ne jodha ke bra me 2 boond khujli ki dawai daal di.
Jaise hi jodha ne bra pehni, khujli suru ho gayi.
Akbar ne birbal se ilaaj pucha.
Birbal : agar kisi surile gale wale se chuswa do to zeher nikal jayega.
Akbar ne tansen ko boobs chusne ka hukm diya.
Tansen ka kaam ho gaya. Next day birbal ne asharfia mangi, Tansen taal gaya.
Birbal : mujhe pata tha madarchod ki tu aisa hi karega isliye dawayi ki 4 boond akbar ki chaddi me bhi daal di hain.
Bhen ke lode, taiyaar reh, abhi bulawaa aata hi hoga.. :D
Birbal Se panga Nhi beta Taansen :P
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Baadshah Akbar ke paas ek 12 inch ka chhota sa, pyara sa ghoda tha.
Birbal: Jahan panahaapko yeh ghoda kahan se mila?
Akbar: Ek baba ne diya tha. Jo bhi maango woh de dete hain.
Birbal: Main bhi baba ke paas jaaunga.
Akbar: Jao par khayal rahe ki baba ek hi muraad poori karte hain aur ooncha sunte hain.
Birbal baba ke paas se jab laut kar aaye to akbar ko bataya "Maine baba se ek bori heere maange the aur baba ne mujhe ek bori kheere de diye"
Akbar: "To tumne kya socha tha ki main baba se 12 inch ka ghoda maanga tha."
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