A Professor Explained Marketing to MBA Students
1. You see gorgeous girl in party, you go to her & say I am rich marry me - That’s – Direct Marketing...
2.You attend party & your friend goes to a girl & pointing at you tells her. He’ is very rich, marry him - That’s Advertising.
3. Girl walks to you & says u are rich, can u marry me? - “That’s Brand Recognition“
4. You say I m very rich marry me & she slaps you - “That’s Customer Feedback“
5. You say I m very rich marry me & she introduces you to her husband - “That’s Demand & Supply Gap“
6. Before you say I m rich, marry me, you wife arrives - That’s Restriction from Entering New Market
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The buzzword in today's business world is MARKETING. However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is:
You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, while pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising.
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.
You see a guy at a party. First you straighten your dress, then you walk up to him and pour him a drink. After handing him the drink, you say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie. In the process of fixing his tie, you brush your b****t lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.
Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
That's Tech Support.
You slip a letter outlining your sexual skills and your experience into the pocket of every man at a party whether he is cute or ugly, young or old, wealthy or poor, married or single, walking or crippled.
That's Junk Mail.
You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center, get your megaphone ready, and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's Spam.
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Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.
Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.
HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months.
Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby
1) How many marketers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None -- they've automated it.
2) What does the new Chips Ahoy marketing director do her first day on the job?
Enable cookies.
3) Why did the naughty lead's phone ring at 1 a.m.?
For a booty call-to-action.
4) What's a personality trait of a bad marketer?
Anti-social.
5) Why did the marketer get off the trampoline?
He was worried about his bounce rate.
6) Why can't a lead date a religious marketer?
Because she'll always be trying to convert him.
7) A stock photo walks into a bar, and the patrons start pointing and giggling. She looks at the bartender and says, "Why's everyone staring?" The bartender says ...
"Cuz your ALT tag is showing."
8) Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Interruptive marketer
Interruptive marke--
9) Why did the marketing couple decide not to get married?
Because they weren't on the same landing page.
10) What is a pirate's favorite piece of marketing content?
A webinAAAAR!
Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.
Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.
HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months.
Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby
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1) How many marketers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None -- they've automated it.
2) What does the new Chips Ahoy marketing director do her first day on the job?
Enable cookies.
3) Why did the naughty lead's phone ring at 1 a.m.?
For a booty call-to-action.
4) What's a personality trait of a bad marketer?
Anti-social.
5) Why did the marketer get off the trampoline?
He was worried about his bounce rate.
6) Why can't a lead date a religious marketer?
Because she'll always be trying to convert him.
7) A stock photo walks into a bar, and the patrons start pointing and giggling. She looks at the bartender and says, "Why's everyone staring?" The bartender says ...
"Cuz your ALT tag is showing."
8) Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Interruptive marketer
Interruptive marke--
9) Why did the marketing couple decide not to get married?
Because they weren't on the same landing page.
10) What is a pirate's favorite piece of marketing content?
A webinAAAAR!
11) How many marketers does it take to change a light bulb?
It isn't too late to make this neon instead, is it?
12) Why do marketers make such good wide receivers?
Because they always stay inbounds.
13) What's a pirate's favorite thing about marketing?
Thee arrrrrrROI!
14) How much does a hipster weigh?
An insta-gram.
It isn't too late to make this neon instead, is it?
12) Why do marketers make such good wide receivers?
Because they always stay inbounds.
13) What's a pirate's favorite thing about marketing?
Thee arrrrrrROI!
14) How much does a hipster weigh?
An insta-gram.
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