- When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
- Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
- Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
- There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
- Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
- Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
- Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
- If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.
- Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
- Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
- Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
- Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
- Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
- Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
- Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
- Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
- Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
- Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
- Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died
- The AC/DC song "Highway to Hell" is about Chuck Norris' driveway.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
- Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
- When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
- The original title for Alien Vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.
- The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
- Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- If at first you don't succeed, you are not Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.
- Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
- They were going to put Chuck Norris' face on Mount Rushmore but the rock wasn't hard enough.
- Violence isn't the answer, Chuck Norris is...
- Chuck Norris doesn't mow the lawn. He goes outside and dares the grass to grow.
- Chuck Norris can whistle in five different languages, including sign language
- Chuck Norris can't lose at dodge ball because the ball is nowhere stupid enough to hit Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ghosts, but you can bet that ghosts believe in Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris CAN talk about Fight Club.
- Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars movies............... As The Force.
- Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
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