Networking Jokes - Computer Network Humor

DNS computer network jokes

  • The best thing about DNSSEC jokes is that you can check if they were told wrong.
  • DNS is the root of all problems.
  • You know it’s love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead.
  • WHOIS going to tell us a Domain Name joke?
  • A forged DNS packet tells the barman: “Need a root?” The next day, no-one can find the bar…
funny computer networking jokes


Ethernet puns

  • I had an Ethernet joke, but somebody else told it at the same time. So I exponentially backed off and tried again.
  • {1,Two guys}{2,Hear about}{1,are talking}{2,the dope}{1,in}{2,who confused}{1.full-duplex,}{2,TDM with full-duplex?}
  • LAN jokes can only be told properly if you tell an STP joke first.
  • You have to tell a broadcast joke to everybody to find the one who see the fun on it.
  • Broadcast your own ARP jokes, mine are only funny within the same collision domain.
  • ARP jokes are often gratuitous.
  • An ARP request goes to McDonald’s and asks for a Big MAC.
  • I like ARP jokes because it’s so easy to make them appear to originate from other persons.
  • How do you catch an Ether bunny? With an Ethernet.
  • I once went to an ARP restaurant. Thank god I didn’t eat the food! It was poisoned…
  • The worst thing about broadcast storm jokes is that everyone’s already heard them a hundred times.
  • What does networking seal say? Arp! Arp! Arp!
  • A broadcast walks into the bar, everyone stops what they are doing to look…
    am i the only girl on here or what ?!

HTTP Funny Jokes

  • The best thing about 404 jokes is… wait, damnit, it’s around here somewhere…
  • There are no more 301 jokes because they have all been moved permanently.
  • HTTP 200 jokes are only OK.
  • The truth is out there. Anybody got the URL?
  • What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.

IPv4

  • An IPv4 address walks into a bar and says: “Quick, give me a drink. I am exhausted!”
  • The worst thing about protocol jokes is the ridiculous TTL.
  • I’d tell you the one about the CIDR block, but you’re too classy.
  • Didn’t we run out of IPv4 jokes?
  • After dropping the packet the IP said it was my best effort.
  • RFC1918 jokes are inside jokes.
  • IP packet with TTL=1 arrives at bar. Bartender: “Sorry, can’t let you leave… and you don’t get any beer either…”
  • Router: It hurts when IP.
  • Network pray: Dear Lord, Please grant me the ability to punch people in the face over standard TCP/IP.
  • We need to find more space for the IPv4 Comedy Roadshow, since all seats are taken.
  • There’s no place like 127.0.0.1.
  • I have told IPv4 joke 254 times. Then it stopped being funny.
  • I have told IPv4 joke to my friend. He checked checksum and had best effort laugh.
  • I have tried to tell you IPv4 joke, but you were unreachable.
  • Yo mama is so used, they call her IPv4.
  • “Hello, here’s a packet : “The problem with low MTU jokes is you can”. Hello, here’s a packet : “wait a long time before reading”. Hello, here’s a packet : “it.”
  • 192.168.0.1 jokes are best told in private.
  • Dude 1 : Hey, did you watch that new movie called ‘IP Address’?
    Dude 2: Which one, original or spoof?

IPv6

  • The bad thing about IPv6 jokes is that nobody wants to tell them first.
  • The best part about IPv6 jokes is that you don’t have to make up the punchline for 15 years.
  • The great thing about Teredo jokes is that you can tell smart jokes even when surrounded by dumb peers.
  • The problem with IPv6 jokes is they’re long, obscure and no one gets them without a translation.
  • I know a great IPv6 joke, but I just don’t think you’re ready for it.
  • An IPv6 packet walks into a bar. Nobody talks to him.
  • The great thing about Teredo jokes is that you can tell smart jokes even when surrounded by dumb peers.
  • I will tell you IPv6 joke, but first I need to tell you IPv4 joke, so you get it.
  • If you run IPv6 then you’re a c001:d00d.
  • IPv4 is soon dead:beef.

Multicast

  • Sometimes I feel like a multicast packet. Ask 10 different people how to get somewhere and get 10 different answers.
  • A multicast packet walks into a bar and leaves by four different exits at the same time.
  • A multicast packet walks into 100 bars at one time.
  • Multicast jokes are good, but you can only get them if you bother to listen.

NTP

  • An NTP packet calls ahead to make sure the bar’s open. By the time he gets there, it’s closed.
  • I made an NTP joke once. The timing was perfect.
  • The trick of telling a good NTP joke is about the timing…

QoS

  • The great thing about QoS jokes is that you may never know how much attention you are getting.
  • I’m getting the license plate DSCP EF so I don’t get policed when I’m inside my CAR.
  • I tried telling a joke, but the better jokes was being prioritized.

Routing

  • Is “smoke signal” a routable protocol?
  • I’d like to tell you the full joke about a BGP table but I don’t think you can remember it all.
  • The best thing about RIP jokes is that they’re funny 15 more times.
  • The strange thing about BGP jokes is that they’re borderline funny but everybody repeats them anyway.
  • A LSA Type 6 packet walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender ignores him.
  • A LSA Type 2 packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender say’s “here, but don’t leave the area with it.”
  • Q. What did the OSPF router say to the other OSPF router ?
    A. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.
  • Five routers walk into a bar. Who gets the car keys? The Designated Router.
  • Is IS-IS = 0 ?
  • People who tell routing jokes always exceed their time-to-live.
  • My new OSPF neighbor told me all his jokes after we said hello to each other. Then he tells me the whole database of jokes every 30 minutes.
  • I keep telling him all my RIP jokes, but he is passive about it.
  • I was asking all my neighbors for an EIGRP joke. Didn’t receive all replies, so I am stuck in active.
  • Son, If I fail to route jokes to this destination, I want you to be my feasible successor. You have good distance.
  • I told EIGRP all my OSPF jokes. EIGRP said that they are infinite.
  • I would tell a BGP joke, but everyone probably already knows it.
  • The great thing about BGP jokes? Anyone can claim they are their own, all you can do is hope your neighbours like them.
  • I just heard 300.000 BGP jokes.
  • I was arguing with my neighbor about who will tell great new BGP joke. I was locally more preferred joke teller, but didn’t want to compete with his weight.
  • Game Lemmings is like static routing. If improperly configured, you loose Lemmings.
  • A BGP packet walks into a bar. He rudely interrupts anyone talking to him, and says, “I only talk to my neighbors”.

Security

  • SSH 1.33 and/or 1.5 protocol jokes are useless.
  • I heard a great one about IPSEC, but you wouldn’t get it — it’s an inside joke.
  • There are no good DH jokes because nobody agrees on the same prime.
  • The problem with a cryptography joke is that you need to tell a pair of them before anyone understand what’s being said.
  • Why are ASAs so noisy? They don’t know how to ssh.
  • He said he was open to networking, but when we met up, he didn’t make a PEAP.
  • The great thing about HTTP Upgrade jokes is… wait, someone might be listening, come closer add I’ll whisper.
  • The great thing about TLS jokes is that you can tell if it’s not original.

SNMP

  • The problem with SMTP jokes are, you need some good reason to came back after greylisting and tell them again.
  • SNMP walks into a bar and gets unknown object identifier.
  • You need to tell a authorized POP3 joke before you can have a SMTP laugh.
  • Unfortunately you need MIB files to understand the best SNMP jokes.
  • My name is Bond, James Bond, SNMP agent.
  • I was going to tell an SMTP joke about Viagra, but my reputation will be devastated.
  • I was told to come undercover. So I came as SNMP agent.

TCP & UDP

  • The problem with UDP jokes: I don’t get half of them.
  • In high society, TCP is more welcome than UDP. At least it knows a proper handshake.
  • arrival order packet joke is critical to good a make
  • T he bes thin gabou tTCPfl owcontr oljokesi sthatthey knowwhento backo ff….
  • I was promised a three way and all I got was a TCP handshake.
  • A TCP packet walks in to a bar and says “I want a beer”, barman says “you want a beer?” and TCP packet says “yes, a beer”.
  • A bunch of TCP packets go into a bar, until it’s overcrowded. The next day, half as many go in.
  • A bunch of TCP packets walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Hang on just a second, I need to close the window.”
  • I’m going to keep telling you this TCP joke until you get it.
  • Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? -Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? -Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? -Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? -Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke?
  • When I try to send SYNs to chicks, I don’t get any ACKs. Just FINs and RSTs.
  • I dressed up as a UDP packet… I don’t think anyone got it, but I couldn’t tell.
  • Whats the worst thing about sending a joke in TCP? I’ll keep telling it slower and slower until you get it.
  • A UDP packet walks into a bar without a checksum. Nobody cares.
  • TCP must be religious… Why? Because it all starts with a SYN….
  • Adam and Eve where in the Garden of Eden. Snake offered apple to Eve and that was the first SYN.
  • “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “SYN flood.” “SYN flood who?” “Knock knock.” …

Token Ring

  • A token walks into a bar. Another token can’t walk into the bar because it’s afraid of the dog.
  • The problem with token ring jokes is you need to wait your turn to laugh.
  • The worst part about token ring jokes is that if someone starts telling one while you are telling yours, all joking stops.

Voice

  • I always get jittery when making jokes in real time.
  • An RTP packet walks into a bar through the wrong entrance. The barman says “You’re not getting any special treatment”.
  • The best thing about Delay-Tolerant Networking jokes is that everyone gets them eventually.
  • The bad thing about RTS jokes is, you must first get ready to get them told.
  • The bad thing about WEP jokes is that they all stink, so better don’t sniff them.
  • A joke about IEEE 802.15.5 is pointless if you tell it right.
  • Telling a lot of bluetooth jokes will reduce the bandwidth of your WiFi jokes.
  • I would tell you a WEP joke, but I need to collect 50,000 packets first.
  • I was telling joke to my house neighbor over WiFi, but someone interfered.
  • The problem with 802.11 jokes is they probably go over your head.

Other

  • I tweeted several IPX/SPX jokes, but they can’t reach the Internet.
  • XML jokes are well-formed
  • Open Traffic shaping: All packets are equal, but some are more equal than others.
  • CRC jokes tend to get repeated until you get them right.
  • Serial jokes must be told bit by bit.
  • An ICMP Redirect walks into a bar. Everybody moves next door.
  • See most people talk about the OSI model as having 7 layers but they don’t mention layer 8 where a lot of the problems actually occur.
  • When I go to the doctor for a cold and congestion, I usually tell him I have a ton of BECN bits set on the flow of my breathing through my nose.
  • CCIE people don’t use steering wheel in their cars. They use CLI.
  • CCIE people plan their trips with a route map.
  • My new year’s resolution is 1080p.
  • “I had a dream.. and there were 1’s and 0’s everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!” – Futurama
  • If you have experienced an ICMP joke, ping me.
  • We were supposed to be dressed in disguise. So I dressed as NAT.
  • A packet walks into an 802.3x bar. The bartender says, “Be with you in a second.”
  • A runt packet walks into a bar, the bartender says “You could use a byte.”
  • Yo momma so big, she’s got her own OSI layer between L3 and L4, because the Transport layer can’t handle her.
  • I broke up with my ex girlfriend since we were incompatible at all 7 layers of the OSI stack.. From application to physical.
  • I once MPLS called my girl friend. She quickly hung up doubting my identity since I kept switching labels.
  • Caution: Do not stare into the fiber optic laser with remaining good eye.
  • How do you get someone with a CCNA off your porch? You pay for your pizza.
  • I received a Tor joke from someone… have no idea who they are though…
  • Have you secured your login properly? Yes, I have turned on CAPS LOCK.
  • A network engineer was shipwrecked on an island with very few supplies. Taking an inventory, he tallied a pocketknife, a granola bar, and a scrap of fiber. He ate part of the granola bar and started looking for some food. Finding nothing, he figured he didn’t need the fiber anymore, so he dug a small hole and buried it. Half an hour later, a backhoe showed up, dug up the fiber, and rescued the network engineer.
  • I heard you like vlans so I got you some 802.1ad so you could have vlans in your vlans.

Chuck Norris 

  • 911 is Chuck Norris’ cell phone number.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t do TCP handshake – he does TCP roundhouse-kick to initiate the connection.
  • Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
  • Chuck Norris is able to answer missed call before it is missed.
  • Chuck Norris can cut cable from WiFi.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t use pickup lines, he simply says, “Now.”
  • The world is moving from IPv4 and going straight to IPv6 because Chuck Norris doesn’t like the number 5!
  • There are no hidden IOS commands. Only those Chuck Norris chooses not to look at!
  • Cisco implemented the “test crash” hidden IOS command because it was otherwise impossible to break a router that Chuck Norris had worked on!
  • Metric in RIP represents distance between router and Chuck Norris. Lower the distance is, Chuck is closer to punch your packet and send it to grave.
  • Every VPN is an EasyVPN for Chuck Norris!
  • Chuck Norris slayed the Kerberos daemon.
  • Chuck Norris ran track in high school and always won the 100 meter frame relay!

DHCP

  • DHCP jokes are leased.
  • A DHCP packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says: “here, but I’ll need that back in an hour!
  • I’m a DHCP server at a local restaurant. This chick came up and asked me for my address, and I told her she was out of my scope.