Funny puns on alcohol, drinking with one liners
- Alcohol is not always the answer… …but it’s worth a shot.
- To alcohol - - the cause of and solution to all of life's problems.
- It’s not a drinking problem. It’s a drinking opportunity.
- Alcohol doesn’t make you fat. It makes you lean…. on chairs, on tables, and on other people!
- Alcohol is the question. And my answer is yes
- Alcohol may not solve your problems but neither will water or milk!
- Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.
- I drink to make other people more interesting.
- My therapist told me to write letters to people I hate and then burn them. I did, but now I'm out of stamps.
- I love being a responsible adult. It's great being able to decide to have ice cream for dinner and then wash it down with a glass of wine.
- My doctor told me I need to cut back on my drinking. I told him I can't cut back, I'm already lying about how much I drink!
- I tried to explain to my kids that alcohol is not the answer. They looked at me like I was crazy. "Then what is, Dad?"
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I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?” I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled... “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”------------------------------------
After another night of heavy drinking and a complete blackout I said to myself: "Gary, you're not touching another alcoholic beverage in your life!" Glad my name ain't Gary.
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After realizing I became an alcoholic I don't drink anymore. I don't drink any less either.
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I am proud to say that I am clean and sober. And by clean and sober I mean that I just took a shower and I’m headed to the liquor store.
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I didn't even know he drank, until I saw him sober.
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My next door neighbor in college smoked pot all the time. I was walking through campus one day and saw him. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair was disheveled, and his skin color was off. I said, "Man, you must have found some really good shit!" "No!," he said, "I can't find anything! This fucking town is dry!"
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I went 11 years without drinking any alcohol, zero… then I turned 12.
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Today I celebrated my 365th day sober!! And it only took me 14 years.
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