Pilot Jokes With Aviation Humor - Hilarious Airplane, Airline Puns

Pilot Jokes With Aviation Humor - Hilarious Airplane, Airline & Flight Puns

  • How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, he holds the bulb while the earth spins around him.
  • What's the difference between a pilot and Jeffrey Dahmer? Dahmer didn't eat every leg
  • On their first date after about 45 minutes, he said, "Well, enough about flying, let's talk about me!"
  • What’s the difference between God and a pilot? 
    • God doesn’t think he’s a pilot.
  • Q: What’s the difference between a copilot and a jet engine? 
    • A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
  • What do you call a pregnant flight attendant? 
    • Pilot error.
  • What's the difference between a SR-22 and a cactus? 
    • On a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.
  • Make sure to work this line into the speech, somehow: "That was the very moment that I knew Walter and I had become a
  • Remember that time you closed your VFR flight plan? Me neither.
  • Only Three phrases that should come out of a first officers mouth: 1-Clear right. 2-You're right. 3-I'll take the fat one (or chicken, if you want to be PC)
  • Whats the difference between a pilot and a doctor? 
    • A doctor can only kill one person at a time.
  • Whats the difference between a flight attendant and a washing machine? 
    • A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you drop a load in it.
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"Tower, November 1073K is 8 miles southeast inbound to Watchahoochie Airport for landing."

"Roger that, 73K, this is Watchahoochie Tower, report a 3 mile final to runway 30 and verify you have Hotel".

"73k will report a 3 mile final and uhhh, we don't need a hotel, we're staying with friends"!
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– Airplanes usually kill you quickly – a woman takes her time.

– Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.

– Airplanes don’t get mad if you do a “touch and go”.

– Airplanes don’t object to a preflight inspection.

– Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.

– Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.

– Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.

– Airplanes don’t come with in-laws.

– Airplanes don’t care about how many other airplanes you’ve flown before.

– Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.

– Airplanes don’t mind if you look at other airplanes.

– Airplanes don’t mind if you buy airplane magazines.

– Airplanes expect to be tied down.

– Airplanes don’t comment on your piloting skills.

– Airplanes don’t whine unless something is really wrong.

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Funny Pilot Story

Not exactly about pilots but this is pretty funny:

A flight is on its way to Sydney when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down

The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney and I’m staying right here”.

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won’t move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney and I’m staying right here”.

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.

The pilot says, “You say she is a blonde? I’ll handle this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde”.

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry” and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. I told her, “First class isn’t going to Sydney “
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I was on a flight once and the Captain just finished up the “welcome aboard PA”, but forgot to turn off the microphone. He then turned to the First Officer and said, “right about now I could really go for a cup of hot coffee and a bl0w j0b.”

The flight attendant in the back of the aircraft realized what had happened and was rushing forward to tell the Captain.

As she passed my seat, I yelled out “hey hun, don’t forget the coffee!”
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Pilot Stereotype:
How do you know if there's a pilot at your party?
Don't worry, they'll tell you.
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Smooth vs. Great:
Pilot over the intercom after a particularly rough landing: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Chicago! Please remain seated until we... find the gate. Remember, a good landing is one you can walk away from. A great landing is one where they can use the plane again."
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Funny ATC(Air Traffic Control) Jokes

ATC Banter:
Pilot: "Tower, please state our position."
Tower: "Captain, you're in the pointy end of that big metal tube."
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Another ATC Classic:
Tower: "Flight 123, say altitude."
Pilot: "Altitude."
Tower: "Flight 123, say airspeed."
Pilot: "Airspeed."
Tower: "Flight 123, say... never mind."
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The Bagel:
What's a pilot's favorite type of bagel?
Plane.
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Priorities:
Why did the pilot break up with the flight attendant?
He felt they were always living on different planes.
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Autopilot Nerves:
My girlfriend asked if I ever get scared flying. I told her, "Only when the autopilot asks me what that flashing light means."
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Takeoff:
Why don't pilots like telling jokes while taking off?
They're afraid the punchline won't lift off. (Or alternatively: They're afraid the punchline won't land well - works both ways!)
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Co-pilot Pun

Young Pilot:
Passenger to a very young-looking co-pilot: "Wow, you look really young to be flying a plane!"
Co-pilot: "Thanks! Actually, I'm not flying the plane, I'm just here for the colouring book and snacks."
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